Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in Dave's LiveJournal:

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Thursday, July 3rd, 2003
12:26 am	Well, here I am at 12:30AM, finishing my homework. Its not that I don't relish the thought of staying up late, its just that I'm used to going to bed around 10, since I have to get up at 6 for a 7 o'clock commute to Hayward. Even now though I'm tempted to go back to playing The Frozen Throne, which I probably will. Anyway, the latest assignment in my English class was one where you'd describe you earliest experience with race, file that away, then do some personal interviews with people in the class. I interviewed two people, one of them Seikh Indian and the other Chinese. Both of them say racism hasn't impacted them that much, its more an issue of certainty. Important to point out, no? Tomorrow is my older fraternal twin sisters collective birthday. Yipee. Anyhow, I'm about to fall apart if I continue writing, so I really must go back to playing games. Current Mood: sore Current Music: None. (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Saturday, June 28th, 2003
11:58 pm	Survey says...you're an idiot! Bah! Peer pressure: (a) make up a name for yourself: Mordekai (b) where were you born?: Alta Bates Hospital, Berkley, CA (c) and when was this?: September 18th, 1986 (d) what are you parents names?: Elizabeth and Richard (e) what is your favorite sexual position?: Woman on top. morning... (1) what's your favourite breakfast cereal?: Cheerios. (2) what's the first thing you do upon waking?: Use the bathroom. (3) coffee or orange juice?: Neither, Diet Coke or Water. (4) stop to smell the roses or rush to work/school?: Rush, school's about 35 miles away. (5) what is your morning bathroom routine?: pee, shower, shave if needed (6) morning breath?: No. (7) toast or pop tart?: Pfft, fuck the stereotypes. Raisin Bread. (8) sex in the morning or at night?: Can't say. (9) do you have normal sleeping habits?: That's a relative question. (10) how many hours of sleep you average?: 6-8 year round. (11) get on the Internet before work/school?: Nope. (12) change your underwear regularly?: I try. (13) sing in the shower?: All the time. (14) flex in the mirror?: Nothing to see. (15) butter or margarine? Butter, none of that cheap substitute crap. noon... (1) what your favourite fast food place?: Depends on the day of the week. (2) take out, drive through, or eat in?: Drive through (3) bring your lunch or eat from a vending machine?: Neither one. (4) eat in a group or alone?: Alone, but if friends are around sure, in a group. (5) would you like fries with that?: Depends on what kind. (6) gossip?: I don't prefer it. (7) do you brush your teeth after every meal?: Hell no. (8) chew trident?: Trident sucks. Orbit. (9) are you eating anything right now?: There's a bag of Fritos in here, unopened. No. (10) ever had a, how you say, nooner?: Eh? (11) favorite tv dinner: Barber's Stuffed Chicken Cordon Bleu (12) favorite candy bar: 3 Musketeers (Big on chocolate, not on fat!) (13) favorite chewing gum: Orbit Wintergreen. (15) does loud chewing bother you?: Yes. (16) do you talk with your mouth full?: Only if it's important. and night... (1) what is your favorite sleeping position?: On my right side. (2) do you dream in color or black and white?: Vivid color. (3) do you sleep alone?: Yes. (4) have you ever been in a bar?: Yes. (5) how about a gay bar?: Almost. (6) do you drink?: Done it a couple of times. (7) do you drink and drive?: No license, and if faced with the choice I wouldn't. (8) how about drugs, do you do those?: Nope, clean. (9) do you carry condoms?: No. (10) name something stupid you've done while drunk: Played with someone's toes. (11) tell me a recent dream: You know, I can't remember. (12) what are you doing next saturday night: Not sure yet. "Planning Ahead" isn't big with me. (13) will you marry me?: Will you pick up the tab? (12) what do you sleep in?: Underwear, Briefs and a T. (15) kiss and tell?: DENIED! (1 Comment |Comment on this)
11:31 pm	Saturday Dullness Pretty boring day. Only cool things that happened were to a friend of mine and the fact that I've found my other bass. This one's a white Dean Edge 1 2001. It's been my standard ever since I took it up, but I managed to misplace it for about 10 days after leaving it somewhere where I usually don't leave it. Pretty ridiculous. Anyhow, it's back and that's what counts. I haven't done what I should have done on this stupid Critique of Dennis P. Kimbro's book "What Makes the Great Great". I can't stand inspirational/motivational books, they're so full of pretense. Not only that, Kimbro keeps referring to "the GOD factor" like He's required. I mean, if that's true, explain Siddhartha to me. Explain Avalokitesvara Buddha to me. They didn't have god, they didn't need him. Anyhow, its not a total downer. I just know I'll have to bust ass for the rest of the night to get where I should be before I go to sleep. I don't feel like writing history. Leave me be. Eventually I'll get to it. Current Mood: restless Current Music: AFI - The Leaving Song (Sing the Sorrow) (Comment on this)
Thursday, June 26th, 2003
5:43 pm	A little heat, a little sauce... Christ its hot here. I can't even remember the last time the temperature broke 100 degrees. Its too hot to really do anything, so I'm sitting here at home, building on the MUD I work for. Thank goodness for this little industrial fan...this thing is such a lifesaver. If I didn't have it I'd probably be sleeping because of the heat. Took that quiz, I think I did really well on it. I was pretty comfortable and all, only thing that would lose me points would be greviously fucktarded mistakes, considering I checked it pretty deliberately one I finished. The quiz was simple stuff anyway, so I'm not all that worried. Today ends my second class week of summer session at Chabot in Hayward. Its the freakin' weekend baby, I'ma have me some fun. My bass needs repaired, and its been in need of repair for the last 3-4 months. Its an Ibanez Soundgear Bass, and I've had yet to find the model number, my sister never passed it on to me after I inherited it, and I haven't managed to find it on the body or do comparisons to basses on websites like samash.com. Fact remains, its broke. Its too hot to tell more of the story right now...I'll probably continue it later tonight. Current Mood: hot Current Music: Sean Paul - Gimmie tha Light (Dutty Rock) (Comment on this)
Wednesday, June 25th, 2003
3:20 pm	An extension, because I just can't keep it down. Well, I missed something important: my day today. So far its' been pretty mundane. I have a quiz in my college math class tomorrow. I immensely enjoy it, for some reason, probably because the professor is actually entertaining for a change. Sometimes he cracks the occasional odd joke, for instance his name is Nicolas Alexander, and I quote: "It's all about nicknames, some people refer to me as Alexander, some people also refer to me as The Great, you see..." You can kinda tell his approach from that, methinks. An Accura Integra rear-ended a Mustang on my way home from class(I have to commute, since college is about 30 miles away), so the car was stuck behind the accident. Trying to merge into the fast lane right before rush hour is a scary, scary thing. A white van behind the car I was in hesitated as he was trying to merge, and gave my mother enough cover to gun the engine and get the hell away. It's 100 degrees outside. I love California. Guess I'll start the thread of a story about the two years from the last post: Well, first thing that hit me after the hawaii trip was my eventual conversion to buddhism. I enjoyed saying that I was one without knowing the first thing about the precepts or about the dharma. Then about 3 months ago I found a book that I had been searching for for a long time, A Buddhist Bible. In this book I had finally found the religious text and scripture that would serve as my guide. I began meditating, and I now know what it feels like to experience clarity of mind, at least of a degree very much higher than what I would normally call spiritual quietude. Its like a new sort of clean...there's a bubble of undisturbed calm that sticks in your mind, it expands to fill the space, and you feel like you can conquer the world without lifting a finger. I know it sounds crazy, but I've experienced this only twice, so it requires a fairly high degree of concentration, but I know it can be done. Anyhow, my recent exploits in buddhism have opened up very many new philosophical doors for me. Here's a little tidbit I've recently chewed on: When and if we become blind, it is agreed that we lose our ability to see. We still percieve through the shadow of our former eyes, the arbitrary conceptions and forms of what we previously saw remain in our heads, as well as the mind thinking we still have our eyes, and still conjuring images before us as if we still had them. Therefore when we become blind, our perception is not lost, merely our ability. There must be distinction between the ability to see and the perception of sight, for one is certainly not the other. If they were the same thing, think of what would happen if we lost our ability to see? No longer would the mind possess such manifestations that are conjured before or thinking and reasoning faculty. Therefore, the perception of seeing still remains, and is both internal and eternal as it is uncreated. This problem surfaced in the Surangama Sutra, in which Lord Buddha speaks with Ananda, his favorite cousin and delivers numerous and invaluable lessons about distinguishing perception from ability and both of these from the object. Anyhow, its too hot to think. More later. Current Mood: thoughtful Current Music: Paul Oakenfold - Dread Rock (The Matrix Reloaded: The Album) (Comment on this)
2:52 pm	Jesus H. Christ (Like he's got anything to do with this.) [Error: Irreparable invalid markup ('<font=courier>') in entry. Owner must fix manually. Raw contents below.] <font=Courier New>Wow, its been almost two years since I've posted. Happy third anniversary, journal I never post in! I'm reviving this journal on request of a certain individual(she knows who she is), and hope I can leave all that bad gothic poetry you see below behind me. That was most certainly a phase, I was going through some pretty choppy emotional times, as my sophmoric self plainly noted below. I think just about every single one of those poems was forced, except for the really long, nameless one. That one has the best chance of being 100% unadulterated emotion. I don't think I was very familliar with who I was back then, and hopefully the who I am now knows me a hell of a lot better. So, what's happened during these two years since my last post? Quite a bit. I've converted to buddhism, taken up my bass guitar much more seriously, graduated from high school(just a -little- important), entered college, taken Mr. Burg's satire course(very very noteworthy, for reasons I will go into later), sung on the Carnegie Hall stage with my singing group, won a scholarship to a state university, did my first series of paid singing gigs, like, -ever-, and decided, at least partially, on what my calling in life is. I'll probably set aside a little bit of my journal for the personal history stuff at some point. Finding this has been quite refreshing for me, actually. It's like looking at my former self in a mirror and at all the emotional skin I've shed and how my intelligence and outlook has been tempered by time and tide. Its pretty obvious, I think, that the stuff that I'll be saying here from now on will be more meaningful and less expressive than what I previously did, though I hold no shame for expressivism, as long as it's channeled in the right direction. Anyway, that's it for now. I probably do have more under my belt, but it'll have to wait for another post. Current Mood: relaxed Current Music: Team Sleep - The Passportal (The Matrix Reloaded:The Album) (Comment on this)
Saturday, July 21st, 2001
2:54 am	The Education Transmutation A normal day in a normal city in a normal state in a normal country in the normal, everyday world and then suddenly out of nowhere when the kids had their books open the Transmutation began. The books became weird symbols they coalesced and then dissapated like snowflakes or autumn leaves disrupting the everyday erasing the typical the joy it brought to the children and for that instant, the children of the classroom were truly free. (Comment on this)
Friday, July 20th, 2001
2:57 am	*A horribly long string of obscentities* Ohhh... I hate certain people!!! I hate certain other people as well!!! But I wont tell you who I hate!!! Cause I have to protect their privacy!!! AHHHH!!!DIE YOU LAZY BASTARDS!!! AHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! You took away mine! (Comment on this)
Thursday, July 19th, 2001
11:44 pm	Yawn... Yawwn...the end of another particularly uneventful day. Sigh. How bleak is life, man. Just kidding. Anyway, I saw something on television that really drove me up the wall. The republicans push for a resolution to the power crisis, and Dick Cheney, our lovely vice president(that sick bastard), while spewing about conserving energy and finding alternative sources, has run up an electric bill of 186,000 dollars. This is the height of hypocrisy. I guess it takes a whole lot of energy to power a guy who should have died in 1998. Oh, you fucking idiot. I don't say this as an insult, I say it as a hard fact. Dick Cheney did something stupid, and most certainly likes sex. So he really is a fucking idiot. Honest. But don't take my word for it. Just watch TV and it will be proven right in front of you every goddamn day. I promise. Ahh, what the hell, smile you fucks! Current Mood: pissed off Current Music: Some Techno I Picked Up Somewhere Far Away From Here (Comment on this)
Saturday, July 14th, 2001
2:02 am	An Outburst (but of what kind?) In my head, there exists my mind, and in my mind, there is a pot, and in this pot there is a quart of water, and this quart, is bubbling loudly. I am tense. I feel like i have one-thousand needles pricking me every day. I have so many things that i need to get out. Thing is some of these things i cant share with certain people because its shocking (and I might get slapped in the face). I feel like such a baby! Ughh...its just bad. I met you it was raining the sidewalk was a shimmering orange I saw your face delicate and loving it is hard to believe behind the loving lies a warrior a paladin of unmatched strength but yet such a nurturer you made me feel warm even when i was thousands of miles away i missed you i missed your work and your creativity the outlook was missing too won't you hold me i don't want to disappear no, non-transparency is a good thing that cocaine was the immediate difference my god what an awful noise this machine makes grrrind....grrrind fred christ follow him f*ck like a bunny in the name of god smile all the while and say goodbye blue jeans hurt sweat and vomit the whole ball of ? my face in the mirror what are you looking for? this or that or... quite possibly the other thing all these the feelings i have now and then i met you on that same shimmering sidewalk that now is just a dry, hot, sizzling slab of unforgiving stone Current Mood: anxious Current Music: Organ playing in background........ (Comment on this)
Friday, July 13th, 2001
1:31 am	testing testing (Comment on this)
Thursday, July 12th, 2001
2:09 am	AHHH! Its been over a month! Nooo! My adoring readers i haven't left the building!!!! *razz a ma tazz.....* I actually just got back from France yesterday. The weather is so hot there...humid. Sticky. Thunderstormy. Its still a good place to go. Lots of experiences gained and friends won (at least i think). I'm back. I'm alive. I survived going 500 mph in a metal tube over the freezing atlantic! I feel great. Portrait Agony is my paintbrush paint me the color of pain give me features of anguish give me a touch of blushing rage plus some suicidal tendencies for good effect. Agony is my paintbrush swirl around the colors in a palette of emotions mix a little hatred with envy and get murderous greed a dab of happiness here and there and dont be thrifty with the remorse. Agony is my paintbrush trace the long, curving river of my mind invoke a razor thin barrier between sanity and insanity with a few, gentle strokes white on black, white on slate gray, black on the light blue of the thin dividing wall. Agony is my paintbrush abundant is the color anxious ahh, this is an anxious face anxious hands and over-eager tongue Agony is my paintbrush hold my skull in your hand and capture the dying ember of a soul now captive in the canvas on the wall. (Comment on this)
Wednesday, June 6th, 2001
10:14 pm	Hi. Umm... These are just random thoughts and words, that maybe, by a miracle sent straight from somewhere, will form themselves into a poem with the right sequence... Bloody night cold, iron embrace of shadows gleaming blades that shimmer in the moonlight come to disembowel the weak they prey on the helpless the sick... people like myself i do not know when they will come death, however, always makes good on it's promises *** Conflict's Millstone fighting an ever pointless battle martyred souls embrace the dark themselves without a guiding spark as their skeletones shake and rattle Armor gleams and trumpet sounds as so-called bravery falls in th'exploded meeting halls as their bodies impact upon cold ground. The citizenry, unequipped vaults away in hell they'll stay trampled by horsemen as they trip After the killings done after the smoke the flames still stoke and neither side has won Rhyming isnt my forte...but i gave it a shot. (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Monday, June 4th, 2001
12:40 am	More food-related poetry: Elated, and subdued thats the feeling yes, thats the feeling! that sensation when the creamy stuffs roll down into your stomach mmmmm...tasty (Comment on this)
12:20 am	Some thoughts on hunger and possibly a satirical look into basic human desires: stomach growling a scream plunges the day into blackness the id argues aimlessly with common sense end it...give in you can't hold out much longer the pringles are coming *maniacal laugh* My dissapointments have been shorthanded, thankfully. Maybe then we can snuff out the candles that are despair, sadness, and woe, and that keep the fires of emptiness burning. Smile. It truly is going to be a better day. (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Saturday, June 2nd, 2001
11:48 pm	mystic power bends light to it's will drift amidst the thrum of circumlocuting beings falling against the background of the "Atomic Dance Explosion" consuming sorrow and spitting it out into space Aqua blue rays bounce refract reflect and flex amidst piercing white beams watch out- they burn holes in your retinas flying through the small sphere: existance the soul's sustenance I write poetry. I'm seeing a counselor. Therefore, I am a poet being psychoanalyzed by a counselor. I told you though could ruin your day. (1 Comment |Comment on this)
11:45 pm	There are so many things that go unsaid that i wish i had the guts to say that i want to share with you but before i get the courage to say them you will walk away I feel like I owe everyone in the town I live in something. I am always apologizing. Women look at me and I apologize. I don't know why. I just don't know. Maybe I should visit a shrink. I just don't know. I'm sorry...but for what? A ponderance. Thought. Lovely thing thought. It can ruin your day. Current Mood: worried Current Music: Incubus- Pardon Me (Comment on this)
Friday, June 1st, 2001
11:51 pm	Try this joke... You know in a casino, there's one game that everybody plays. Bakkara, thats it. Thats the game that they reserve for the table in the back. The game that you can play without ever knowing the rules. You know how they put the red velvet ropes around it? You just stand there, watching, until eventually, one of the casino employees comes over to you and he says, "Would youuu...like to play?" "Sure!" Then he lets you behind the ropes, and you sit in the cushiest chair you ever sat in. Someone next to you pipes up, "I bet yer gonna lose 2000 dollars in eight minutes!" The Dealer says, "Which one do you want to bet on? The player or the bank?" "I'll bet on the bank." *Flip...Flip* "Ohhh...You lose." "W-wait...you didnt roll dice or spin or yell 'yahtzee' or anything...thats it?" "Would you like to play again?" "Okay, but this time I'll bet on the player, that banker guy doesnt seem to know what he's doin'." *Flip...Flip* "Ohhh...You lose." "Huh?" "You lost." "This game is real stupid you know that? Only morons would play this game." "Would you like to play again?" "Sure would." Later you're naked...still at the table...guy next to you sayin' "That's about eight minutes wasn't it?" I don't know...this seems to work better as a stand up...i just couldn't think of much else. (Comment on this)
Thursday, May 31st, 2001
10:20 pm	I decided to drop the Primus parody. It was a joke anyway...wont matter in the end. I'm finally back on speaking terms with my mother and sister (thank goodness) and am trying to work things through. I am making an appointment with some counselors and things should be okay... A broil of conflict disturbed the uneasy truce between you and me but in the smoke and darkness after you found it in yourself to return thank you I never did write about the Hawaii trip...just what happened after. Well, first off, Hawaii is so nice to live in! The humidity is perfect and the temperature never goes above 95 and never below 65...its great! The average temperature at night is a comfortable 78 or so...you can literally sleep outside with just a pillow and shorts on a recliner and it feels great. The weather is so much better than California...here its all sticky and up past 110 degrees (Images of boiling tar) and stays hot almost all night, plus it feels like your body is getting wrung like a wet dishrag for all it's water...walking a mile you lose almost a gallon of sweat. Great stuff huh? Anyway, the beaches are so much nicer...you can actually see the sand below you and the water is 82 degrees or so, making it a nice swim. Absolutely the best beaches in the mid-pacific. The coral formations are awesome too, just a little sharp. I got cut once or twice but nothing serious. Clear water soft, white, grainy sand salty air smell lapping ocean waves taste the warm air a bathouse for the senses (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Wednesday, May 30th, 2001
11:39 pm	... the insence burns in cherry flavored wisps it wraps the air and caresses the wind the scent fills the head laps the nose and kisses you gently sweet murmurings of affection smoothly the spirits of the spice travel amongst the waning rays of sunset's light and then loop and swirl around another gust of passionate air The ember of incense falls away from the tile as the smoke trails away into the spring sky a blessing of aroma that undulates through soft whispers and fills hearts with peace Current Music: Under the Bridge - Red Hot Chili Peppers (Comment on this)